For the first time, I’ll use my analytical skills to predict the first 10 picks in the upcoming NFL Draft. Now, others can judge me just like I’ve judged them. Will I be right? Of course not. However, I fully appreciate that there’s more value in the prediction than in the evaluation. In that regard, I’ll offer my version of a 2017 Mock NFL Draft.
It was a dark and stormy night, perhaps somewhere in the world; however, in my environs the unblocked sunlight radiated from our nearest star and penetrated through the depleted ozone layer of the Earth’s atmospheric shell (for it is on this planet that our scene lies) before gently reflecting off the ecru walls surrounding my cubicle and onto a computer screen which hadn’t been cleaned for several months. In honor of one of the the best known examples of superbly horrendous writing from the 19th century, I may have found its rival for the 21st century. In particular, I have found a writing sample so bad that it can only be called a masterpiece. Fashioned as a countdown of the most terrible New York Yankees trades, the piece reads like the most terrible countdown of NYY trades instead.
Somehow, 11 out of 12 footballs used by the New England Patriots in the 1st half of the 2015 AFC Championship Game became “significantly” deflated. At the time of this post, we’ve heard from Bill Belichick twice and Tom Brady once. Initially, they both embraced the strategy of deny, deny, deny. Now, Belichick is trying to play scientist and make excuses. Do I think either one did anything to alter the football directly? No. Do I think at least Brady knows who did? Yes. This post will expose the inconsistencies in their stories to the point of busting Tom Brady’s Golden Boy image. Whether this scandal (to be forever known as Deflategate) will tarnish his legacy, only time will tell.